10 Signs you are in an abusive relationship

Any one can be a victim of domestic violence and abuse, irrespective of age and gender. It could be physical, emotional or psychological in nature. It is more often denied, down-played, or excused, especially  if the case is psychological.

Emotional abuse is as bad as the physical but is more difficult to recognise and takes longer time to  heal. It has a long lasting negative repercussions on the self-confidence and emotions of the victims.

The abusers always claim to „love“ their victims and each time promises to „change“. These declarations and promises are just instruments to make you not to leave them. No body deserves to be in such a relationship. You have choices to make to remove yourself from such a relationship if your partner refuses to get help or both of you should go for therapy if your partner agrees. You have to open up to friends and family members to help you out.

Characteristics of Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are characterised by verbal abuse, raging, physical violence, threats, lies, extreme jealousy, power play and controll etc.

 Abusive relationships don't get better unless there is outside intervention. It gets worst because it is progressive in nature. The abuse escalates if the abuser have any cause to believe they may lose their partner and if the relationship comes to an end.

The abuse can only be controlled by an outside intervention. Both the victim and the abuser need help which will come inform of therapy and some kind of recovery programmes that will be reommended by an appropriate physician. This is because the abuse is trait in both partners.

Another feature of abusive relationship is based on traumatic experiences of childhood as a result of physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Consequently, the abuser acts out of pain, shame, anger, and feelings of  inadequacy. They have the feelings accomplishment when they belittle their partner.

 Abuse is a dysfunctional trait that is passed down through generation. This implies that when a man or a woman who is abusive enters into a relationship with another person it's likely the abuser will repeat the cycle of abuse in the new relationship. The abused ends up becoming the abuser if there is no outside intervention.

 

10 Signs you are in an abusive relationship    

You are in an abusive relationship if your partner

   1.  Humiliates you in private or public and blames you for that.

    2. force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are     

uncomfortable with.

3. constantly criticises you, calling you names and shouting at you. And  makes you feel you are a fool.  He blames you for his failures.

4. prevents or discourages you from working, interacting with friends or attending school.

5. Does not want you meeting with friends and family members.

6. is constantly controls your time. Like checks how many hours you spent when you go out alone. 

 7.  is extremely  jealous and possessive that you are afraid of him.

8.  accuses you of being unfaithful or flirting.

 9. controls all finances and wants to know how you spend your money. 

 10. He is bossy, demanding and loses his or her temper quickly.

Effects of Abuse on partners of Abusers:  

One of the effects of abusive relationship is chemical dependency. In most cases one or both of the partners could be addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Abusive relationships leads to loss of self worth. It is common for the partner of the abuser to feel lonely and helpless. Therefore the abused feels there is no way out and takes the blame for the abusiveness and is unable to make choices. It can also cause clinical depression, denial, extreme codependency between the partner of the abused and the abuser. The victim often holds on to the abusiver etc. 

Another repercussions of abusive relationship is that the partner of the abuser denies the abusiveness. As a result of the loss of self-esteem and denial, the abused remains loyal to the abuser.

What to do

The first step in dealing with abusive relationship is to recognise that what you are going through is abusive. It is in no way your fault. The abusiveness of your partner did not start with you. It has been a pattern in the life of the abuser. It starts with threats and verbal abuse and then progressed into violence. You do not deserve the treatment you are getting whether it is physical, emotional or pschological abuse. Emotional and psychological abuse are as bad as physical. The effects of emotional abusive are numerous. It leads to depression, helplessness and loneliness among others. Recognising you are being abused is the first step to getting help.

The only lasting solution to domestic violence is a sustained therapy. Both partners should participate in a group therapy for an utmost result. For the therapy to be successfull both parties should be willing and open during the meetings. Group therapy helps breakthrough the denial of the abusiveness.

After you have taken the decision to go for treatment, convince your abusive partner to seek help too. However, if your partner refuses to oblige and seek help, it means the partner has not acknowledged their behaviour. The safest and the best option for you is to leave the relationship in its entirety. Their refusal to seek help means the cycle of abuse will continue if you remain in the relationship. I know it is a difficult decision to take but you will be doing it for both of you. Your continual stay in the relationship implies you are encouraging the abuse. Who knows if you will live to tell the story of your next beating. Make the choice to end the cycle of abuse.

Although we take domestic abuse and violence for granted but the truth is that your abusing partner is sick and needs an urgent help. It is unsafe for both of you if you decide to stay in the relationship if your partner is reluctant to get help. So so the right thing.